📚  Get 20% off two or more books with code MULTI

The Best Trump Parody Children's Books: Understanding Trumpiness Through The Eyes of Children’s Books

I started writing this blog before the recently attempted ‘coup’, in which Trump supporters stormed the Capitol building, disrupted the election certification process and ripped a gaping hole in the notion of the United States as a “shining light on the hill”. After watching simultaneous live streams of both the proceedings in the Senate and the ‘protestors’ outside the Capitol, I was forced to take another look at this list of the best Trump Parody Books I had been compiling. 

As with all great children’s books, there is a clarity that these books bring - in this case to Trump’s character - that makes it really easy to understand how this past week’s events (or really, the events of the past four years) could have happened.

 

Winners aren’t Losers” by Farshid Pouya

The rotten cherry on top of the vile sundae of deplorable Trump qualities is this: his delusional ability to think that no matter what actually happens, he’s a winner. Appearing on Jimmy Kimmel when he was running for president, Kimmel read this book out loud for the would-be-President. Here, an excerpt from the book captures Trump’s alternate reality that we’ve witnessed since Joe Biden won the popular vote:

There are two kinds of people, which one will you be?
A loser like them? Or a winner like me. 

 

Winners Aren't Losers

 

Completely convinced he is a winner (which to him means he cannot possibly lose), Trump has repeatedly convinced his supporters and followers over the past four years that his version of reality (which is just a lie) is the only one that should be accepted - the culmination of which we saw this past week.

 

If You Give a Pig the White House” by Faye Kanouse

After a couple of extremely weak tweets suggesting his followers should maintain peace and go home - and I say “suggesting” because that’s exactly what it was - just a half-hearted “suggestion’”, Trump finally released a video asking his followers to go home. During the course of said video, he added in more lies about the election, said he loved the ‘protestors’ and added that they were very special to him. 

This is not even the first instance of his lack of condemnation for white supremacists - we all remember the Proud Boys nod, contrasted with the fury with which he spoke about the BLM protestors, and many many more comments. 

 

If You Give a Pig the White House

 

“If You Give a Pig the White House” sums up this Trump phenomenon fantastically:

When he speaks to the public,
He’ll probably stumble over
Big words, get mad, and lash out.
So you’ll tell him to apologize, He won’t
Like you telling him what to do, so he’ll
Ramp up the insults and add in some lies.

 

This is exactly what happened last week. President-elect Joe Biden called on Trump to come out and condemn the ‘protestors’, so he came out, declared his love for them, lied a bunch about how the election was stolen, and then suggested that they stop the violence and go home. The whole video was kind of like when people say “No offence, but…”: as Jon Snow once said, “Everything before the word but is horseshit.” 

 

A Child’s First Book of Trump” By Michael Ian Black and Marc Rosenthal

“A Child’s First Book of Trump” describes Trump as another species - the Americus Trumpus. Let’s be real, we’ve all thought about how Trump has to be a different species at some point these past four years! The book describes the Americus Trumpus as a creature that runs towards any cameras, and that can be found on your TV. 

 

A Child's First Book of Trump

 

We’ve all become used to the Twitter warning under most of Trump's tweets. Twitter took down some of the President's tweets (including the afore-mentioned love letter to domestic terrorists), and claimed that they were in severe violation of their Civic Integrity Policy. Further, Trump received temporary bans from Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. Youtube even removed the video. You can read more about the ban here.

“A Child’s First Book of Trump” has a solution to the overwhelming presence of the Americus Trumpus:

So what should you do with a Trump running wild?
The answer is all up to you, my dear child.
Run away screaming? Or should you Fight it?
Reason and logic will only incite it.
 
You can cover your ears, or run up a tree
But the best thing to do is…
 
...Turn off your TV.

 

The Orangey-Tan: The Adult Limited Edition” by Sue Donhym

No blog post about Trump would be complete without a shameless plug, and this is our homage to the narcissist in chief!

Anti-Trump supporters have long tried to hold big tech accountable for allowing Donald Trump to continue using platforms like Facebook, Twitter and more to spread false information, and hate speech.

 

The Orangey-Tan: The Adult Limited Edition

 

The Orangey-Tan: The Adult Limited Edition, a personalized story of how to defeat the Orange monkey proved to be unintentionally prophetic:

 
But what really made him cry out in dismay
Was when his beloved TweetyBird flew away
Now he had no way of talking to his fan base
It was like he himself had vanished without a trace! 
 
He needed to be heard, he needed to be adored!
He needed to feel like he couldn’t be ignored!

 

It was only recently (and finally!) that Twitter took a substantial stand against the Cheeto-in-Chief, and permanently suspended his account! It really does feel like a relief to no longer hear the chattering monkey at all times. 

 

Trump's Banned Twitter Account

 

The book also rightly points out the fact that the Orangey-Tan (a.k.a Donald Trump) needs to be heard and adored, or he loses power. With the steam sucked right out of him, and no way to reach out to his neo-Nazi, white-supremacist base, let’s hope his influence and power continue to weaken. 

 

Donald and the Golden Crayon: An ‘Unpresidented’ Parody: A Book That Uses the Best Words” by P. Shauers

In a grim photo captured by Saul Leob, a Trump ‘protestor’ waves a Confederate flag inside the capitol building. In the 20th century, the Confederate flag became known as a political symbol against racial integration and is considered a potent symbol for racism in general today. Trump has defended the people’s right to fly the flag before. For some historical context, the flag did not make it into the Capitol during the entire Civil War.  

 

Attack on the Capitol

 

There’s no denying the comparison of Trump to Hitler and other racist/fascist dictators, especially with all that we’ve witnessed during his reign of tyranny these past four years. Donald and the Golden Crayon, a parody of an old children’s book, captures how words like ‘nationalist’ and ‘patriotic’ have been used by him, his immediate family and his supporters across the country to justify racism and racially charged crimes.

 

Donald and the Golden Crayon

 

Hitler called himself a ‘nationalist’ too. Just saying. 

 

Trumpty Dumpty wanted a Crown” by John Lithgow

All that Trump has done since November 3rd has been to (try to) subvert the will of the people - and hold on to power, with every tool at his disposal. This book by John Lithgow perfectly narrates the president’s ulterior motives - a crown so he can rule forever:

Trumpty Dumpty wanted a crown
To make certain he never would have to step down
He wanted a robe made of ermine and velvet
The constitution? He wanted to shelve it. 


Trumpty Dumpty Wanted A Crown

 

Here’s some proof from a quote this past September that he said on the campaign trail in Nevada:

"And 52 days from now we're going to win Nevada, and we're going to win four more years in the White House, And then after that, we'll negotiate, right? Because we're probably — based on the way we were treated — we are probably entitled to another four after that."

After the election, his insistent communications, tweets, and words have convinced his supporters that the election has been stolen from him - a delusional frenzy that culminated in the attack on the Capitol. For some reference, the last all-out attack on the Capitol was when the British attacked it in 1814.

 

Liza Jane & the Dragon” by Laura Lippman & Kate Samworth

Liza Jane is a girl that hates her parents because they don’t listen to her, and people keep interrupting her. So, she fires her parents and hires the first applicant to walk through the door, even though he has no experience - a dragon that looks suspiciously like Donald Trump. 

The dragon seems to only have one response to all problems, he opens his mouth and belches fire. Sound familiar?

 

Liza Jane & The Dragon

 

An excerpt from the book:

After two weeks, or maybe it was six months, or maybe it was four years,  Liza Jane said, “Maybe you should go and I should get my parents back.” The dragon said, “I love you. I did what you asked me to do. It’s just that - “I know.” Liza Jane said. “You’re a dragon.”

Eventually, Liza Jane realizes that she’s made a mistake, fires the dragon and hires her parents back as her parents!

Liza Jane and the Dragon reminds me a little of the recent shift of some Repblican leaders that have finally said enough is enough. In recent days, after Trump alleged that Vice President Mike Pence had the power to reject fraudulently chosen electors, Mr. Pence apparently pushed back with the assertion that he did not, in reality, have that power. Further, during last week’s Senate confirmation proceedings (before the insane House of Cards style grab at power), Senate Majority Leader (now Senate Minority Leader - yaaay!) Mitch McConnell said:

“It would be unfair and wrong to disenfranchise American voters and overrule the courts and the States on this extraordinarily thin basis. And I will not pretend such a vote would be a harmless protest gesture while relying on others to do the right thing. I will vote to respect the people’s decision and defend our system of government as we know it.” 

We have some Liza Janes in the house (and senate), y’all! Better late than never, I guess. 

 

Goodnight Trump by by Erich Origen and Gan Golan

 

Goodnight Trump

 

I saved this one for last, well, because despite the turmoil of last week, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were formally certified by Congress! And that means it is Goodnight Trump! 

A parody of Goodnight Moon, this book lists all of the horrible things we’ve come to know as part of the last four hellish, surreal years of Donald Trumps’ presidency. 

Here’s a video of a read along of the book you can enjoy, and in the words of the book - 

Good night to the lies and the truths he evades,
Goodnight Trump, and his whole sad charade!

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published